When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
