i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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