it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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