and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
