If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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