drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
