Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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