Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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