i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i barfeds in our rink
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
