I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
