do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you win again, gameday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
