This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
