I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
