can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
