Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
