I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
