We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
