just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
