"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
