So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
