great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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