Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
