do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
