I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
