I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
