Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
