please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
