my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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