Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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