what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
