i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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