I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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