I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
