I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
