I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
