You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
