My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
