I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
