we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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