The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
