I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
