Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
