I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
