Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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