sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
