and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I lost the right to judge tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
