Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
