I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
