I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
