This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
