Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
