im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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