I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
